no more resolutions. just change.

I am very much looking forward to a new year.

And putting some of my goals and plans into action.

step outside put a match to my cigarette, remember all the things i've tried so hard to forget.

so my sister gave me a listography journal for christmas, and it's made me realize a few terrifying things.



first of all: falling in love tends to take over your life. filling out lists in the journal my thoughts came back to him almost every time. for example: people you love the most, countries you've visited, you biggest sins, favorite songs, most memorable people in your life, bands you've seen live, best gifts you've ever recieved. Somehow memories with him were at the top of every list i tried to write but i didn't really mind...



second: your first love is irreplaceable. this thought is a huge part of whats keeping me sane right now, no matter how many other relationships you have in highschool you can't beat that one.

shit happens.

But what if it's shit that tosses your world around til its backwards and all wrong
And makes you cry like a lunatic on the bus and be depressed for what could be months to come?

Well then fix it.

the big dipper is all that i can see.

look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, shes gone.

AND YOU BROKE MY HEART?

It feels so strange talking to you at school right now. Every time we hug i just want to pull back and kiss your cheek, it doesn't even feel right walking next to you with an empty hand. Maybe its just out of habit but i do still love you and not being able to tell or show you that seems crazy! I really want to fix this.